One of my jobs at work is to clean out public email folders and scour them for outside inquiries or orders. Of course, the boxes are filled with tons of spam. To keep my job entertaining I always find a 'Spam of the Day' and share it with a few co-workers. Today's award goes to the spam titled "Doctors and Celebrities discern endorse Anatrim!" Really the content of the spam sucked and there were no half naked chicks showing off how Anatrim can help so I skimmed it. However, the signature of the spam is what made it spam of the day. It says:
Steve Burbon, Bellevue WA
demonic, colander
So, Steve of Bellevue, you are a demonic colander? Hmmm..
Friday, November 30, 2007
It's Christmas Let's Have Sex
It's sometimes hard to get into the Christmas spirit for lots of reasons: I'm broke, it's hot, I am out of vacation time, I haven't started Christmas shopping, I'm fat and want to eat Christmas cookies, etc, etc, etc...
This weekend I am going to work on my spirit and put up my Christmas tree and decorations in hopes the smell of pine will kick start the holidays. I have already tried gingerbread flavored plug-ins and that has not worked. We may even go so far as decorating the outside of our house. And that’s another thing; our neighbors are bound and determined to have the best Christmas decorations. All of the houses in our neighborhood are colonial style so they put nice wreaths on the windows with big bows and spotlights in their yard to draw attention. When I say neighbors I don’t mean just next door, I mean everyone on our street. All we have are those net-like bush lights that blink. They are actually nice lights but we don't have enough to cover our 3 bushes. Don't you hate when you start a project and never have what you need? It's kind of like Target has a $50.00 cover charge well any house project requires 3 trips to Lowe's or Home Depot. We just haven't made that 3rd trip to Lowe's to pick up more lights or the $500.00 in wreaths and spotlights.
Anyway, I finally got my XM Radio started back up again (that’s a story for another day) and it's kind of cool because you can stream all of their channels online so I listen to it at work. The other cool thing is it's completely live and shows what songs and artists are playing on each channel. It really makes me happy because our lame local radio station plays the same 5 songs every hour on the hour. During the holidays XM has around 5 channels that are strictly Holiday music. One channel is called ‘special x-mas’ and it plays off the wall Christmas music. For example, right now they are playing a remixed Christmas song. I guess it could be dubbed alternative Christmas music. Also, off subject, if you are looking for alternative, eccentric, ADULT Christmas music check out “A John Waters Christmas” CD. It’s offensive yet Christmasish. Yesterday on ‘special x-mas’ I saw a song by Dr. Duke Tumatoe called “It’s Christmas (Let’s have sex)”. How HOT is that! Nothing spells Christmas spirit like sex!
This weekend I am going to work on my spirit and put up my Christmas tree and decorations in hopes the smell of pine will kick start the holidays. I have already tried gingerbread flavored plug-ins and that has not worked. We may even go so far as decorating the outside of our house. And that’s another thing; our neighbors are bound and determined to have the best Christmas decorations. All of the houses in our neighborhood are colonial style so they put nice wreaths on the windows with big bows and spotlights in their yard to draw attention. When I say neighbors I don’t mean just next door, I mean everyone on our street. All we have are those net-like bush lights that blink. They are actually nice lights but we don't have enough to cover our 3 bushes. Don't you hate when you start a project and never have what you need? It's kind of like Target has a $50.00 cover charge well any house project requires 3 trips to Lowe's or Home Depot. We just haven't made that 3rd trip to Lowe's to pick up more lights or the $500.00 in wreaths and spotlights.
Anyway, I finally got my XM Radio started back up again (that’s a story for another day) and it's kind of cool because you can stream all of their channels online so I listen to it at work. The other cool thing is it's completely live and shows what songs and artists are playing on each channel. It really makes me happy because our lame local radio station plays the same 5 songs every hour on the hour. During the holidays XM has around 5 channels that are strictly Holiday music. One channel is called ‘special x-mas’ and it plays off the wall Christmas music. For example, right now they are playing a remixed Christmas song. I guess it could be dubbed alternative Christmas music. Also, off subject, if you are looking for alternative, eccentric, ADULT Christmas music check out “A John Waters Christmas” CD. It’s offensive yet Christmasish. Yesterday on ‘special x-mas’ I saw a song by Dr. Duke Tumatoe called “It’s Christmas (Let’s have sex)”. How HOT is that! Nothing spells Christmas spirit like sex!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
What's Grosser than Gross?
Did you ever play that game as a kid? My answer was always sliding down a razor blade into a pool of rubbing alcohol. Maybe its not the most original but it will make you cringe thinking about it. As an adult, grosser than gross has just gotten plain down and dirty. Recently I just learned what 'superman that ho' means but believe me I do enjoy sharing the definitions of 'rusty hook' or 'upper deck' every once in a while when the conversation seems appropriate. You then must ask yourself when does Rachel think this conversation is appropriate? Well... on the way to lunch the other day I decided to tell the president of my workplace what superman that ho meant. The song 'Crank Dat' happened to be playing on the radio and I just felt the urge. I felt it was an appropriate time before going to enjoy sushi at a very fancy restaurant. I don't know why I am so interested in gross stuff. I could barely watch Fear Factor when it came on. I would have to turn my head or close my eyes when they would eat crazy stuff like reindeer penis (Merry Christmas). Actually I would even have to turn the volume down because when I hear someone throwing up it makes me gag too. As an adult it is very rare that you learn something new so when I do I want it to be amazing, profound or shocking. I think I have just been officially shocked. My husband came home this week and told me about 2 girls 1 cup. After he hyped it up I decided I had to watch it. He said it was the grossest thing on the web right now. I don't even know what to say. I am speechless...in awe. I couldn't even get past the first couple of seconds. Then it becomes addictive, you want to see more. So once getting past the first few seconds it gets even worse. It really is so bad I am getting sick just thinking about it and I am not going to write about it because I am sure my blog will be flagged for obscene content. That is the key word, that video is obscene. If you want to be offended, grossed out, violated, or just plain shocked Google 2 girls 1 cup and check it out for yourself. Yummy....I think I am going to get some chocolate soft serve ice cream. Oh, that is just grosser than gross!!!!!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
It's my first time...I hope it doesn't hurt.
I have decided to blog for a couple of reasons. First and foremost I just have these crazy ideas and random thoughts I need to share. Secondly, I need a place to vent or proverbially throw up. So here it goes.
I currently live in what you can call a city (Raleigh, NC) but spent my childhood in a small unincorporated town called Rainelle in Wild and Wonderful (you notice I did not use Open for Business) West Virginia. I haven't been home to visit in a while and had a great opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving with extended family as well as celebrate my Grandmother's 77th birthday. Which driving anywhere on a holiday is in of itself a CRAZY thing but I decided to go for it. My family visit was very nice and I was able to see family that has been MIA for years. Anyway, you know when something is out of place? Kind of like when you have recently visited your local Food Lion store and the bread and peanut butter aisle has been moved clear across the store to the beer aisle. I don't disagree that a late night of beer drinking does not bring on a midnite craving of PB&J but who decided this? I have been conditioned to get the peanut butter in the condiment aisle and the bread in chip aisle. As I digress.....let me tell you about Rainelle. In its hay day it was a booming coal and lumber town. When you see pictures of what it used to be it really makes you sad. Now Rainelle is a quiet mountain town with really no outside draw. If no one told you about it you wouldn't know it existed. All of the main street buildings are becoming dilapidated or torn down. The streets are narrow and cracked, there are a few small grocery stores, one stop light, and even a McDonald's. Yes, I said McDonald's. It was a huge deal when the fast food giant came to town. Rainelle is one of 'those' towns where the big news is the new fast food restaurant. Here is where the out of place comes in. About a month ago my mom sent me a Google alert for Rainelle, WV and the title of the article is 'African Lion Alleged to be in WVA'. That is just insane. What is an African lion doing in WV and a loose African lion for that matter? After reading more about it I found a fitting forum thread started called 'Which is worse, an escaped lion or inbred hillbillies with guns hunting the lion?'. My thoughts exactly! Come to find out "officials" from the Tiger Mountain Refuge in Rainelle was on the scene of the sighting to help humanely capture or find the lion. They are a non profit that locates and rescues exotic animals and provides them with safe, permanent homes. What are they doing in Rainelle? I am just so confused. So while visiting this weekend I had completely forgotten about this loose African lion incident and while traveling down Main Street I see a very large, HOT florescent green hippo sitting top of building. It kind of reminded me of the big dinosaurs in Pee Wee's Big Adventure yet situated in a sleepy mountain town instead of the desert. This building houses the refuge's thrift shop. From what I understand proceeds from sales go to helping their big cats. So, while it seems I may be poking fun at the organization I'm not. Its really more of the situation. I happen to be an animal lover and after scouring their site it seems they are in need of a few things. Please visit their site and give if you are able. www.tigermountainrefuge.org
Two other things of interest while in WV this weekend. I got a tattoo and a speeding ticket. Second thing out of place like PB&J is the tattoo parlor on Main Street in Rainelle. No need to point out the obvious... its very strange a tattoo parlor has made its way to Rainelle. From what I understand he is doing great business because he just moved buildings and its bigger and better than the previous (may I mention its across from a funeral parlor- ha!). After little convincing, myself, my aunt and my cousin visited the shop on Saturday night. We all three got tattoos. This is my 3rd and first for my aunt and cousin. All of my tattoos have meanings or reasons for them being there. I can tell you that my new tattoo doesn't necessarily have a meaning but it has significance. This will be one of the most memorable Thanksgiving holidays of a lifetime. I still can't believe my cousin got a tattoo. For those that know her I am sure that it will surprise you too! If I were a betting woman I would of lost alot of money that night. Don't you find as you get older family no longer seems just family but more like friends? Thanks Lisa and Mandy! And although it's strange to find a tattoo parlor in Rainelle, WV Dave at Red Dragon does awesome work. I recommend you stop by and see him.
Last thing....being 30 I kind of prided myself in not having a speeding ticket because I surely deserve one. Thanks to a very kind State Trooper in Winston Salem, NC my speeding ticket cherry has been popped. 72 in a 55 to be exact. I am considering hiring a lawyer but haven't received the numerous unsolicited snail mails from Winston Salem lawyers yet who I am sure want to help me get out of my speeding ticket. I am just waiting.....
I currently live in what you can call a city (Raleigh, NC) but spent my childhood in a small unincorporated town called Rainelle in Wild and Wonderful (you notice I did not use Open for Business) West Virginia. I haven't been home to visit in a while and had a great opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving with extended family as well as celebrate my Grandmother's 77th birthday. Which driving anywhere on a holiday is in of itself a CRAZY thing but I decided to go for it. My family visit was very nice and I was able to see family that has been MIA for years. Anyway, you know when something is out of place? Kind of like when you have recently visited your local Food Lion store and the bread and peanut butter aisle has been moved clear across the store to the beer aisle. I don't disagree that a late night of beer drinking does not bring on a midnite craving of PB&J but who decided this? I have been conditioned to get the peanut butter in the condiment aisle and the bread in chip aisle. As I digress.....let me tell you about Rainelle. In its hay day it was a booming coal and lumber town. When you see pictures of what it used to be it really makes you sad. Now Rainelle is a quiet mountain town with really no outside draw. If no one told you about it you wouldn't know it existed. All of the main street buildings are becoming dilapidated or torn down. The streets are narrow and cracked, there are a few small grocery stores, one stop light, and even a McDonald's. Yes, I said McDonald's. It was a huge deal when the fast food giant came to town. Rainelle is one of 'those' towns where the big news is the new fast food restaurant. Here is where the out of place comes in. About a month ago my mom sent me a Google alert for Rainelle, WV and the title of the article is 'African Lion Alleged to be in WVA'. That is just insane. What is an African lion doing in WV and a loose African lion for that matter? After reading more about it I found a fitting forum thread started called 'Which is worse, an escaped lion or inbred hillbillies with guns hunting the lion?'. My thoughts exactly! Come to find out "officials" from the Tiger Mountain Refuge in Rainelle was on the scene of the sighting to help humanely capture or find the lion. They are a non profit that locates and rescues exotic animals and provides them with safe, permanent homes. What are they doing in Rainelle? I am just so confused. So while visiting this weekend I had completely forgotten about this loose African lion incident and while traveling down Main Street I see a very large, HOT florescent green hippo sitting top of building. It kind of reminded me of the big dinosaurs in Pee Wee's Big Adventure yet situated in a sleepy mountain town instead of the desert. This building houses the refuge's thrift shop. From what I understand proceeds from sales go to helping their big cats. So, while it seems I may be poking fun at the organization I'm not. Its really more of the situation. I happen to be an animal lover and after scouring their site it seems they are in need of a few things. Please visit their site and give if you are able. www.tigermountainrefuge.org
Two other things of interest while in WV this weekend. I got a tattoo and a speeding ticket. Second thing out of place like PB&J is the tattoo parlor on Main Street in Rainelle. No need to point out the obvious... its very strange a tattoo parlor has made its way to Rainelle. From what I understand he is doing great business because he just moved buildings and its bigger and better than the previous (may I mention its across from a funeral parlor- ha!). After little convincing, myself, my aunt and my cousin visited the shop on Saturday night. We all three got tattoos. This is my 3rd and first for my aunt and cousin. All of my tattoos have meanings or reasons for them being there. I can tell you that my new tattoo doesn't necessarily have a meaning but it has significance. This will be one of the most memorable Thanksgiving holidays of a lifetime. I still can't believe my cousin got a tattoo. For those that know her I am sure that it will surprise you too! If I were a betting woman I would of lost alot of money that night. Don't you find as you get older family no longer seems just family but more like friends? Thanks Lisa and Mandy! And although it's strange to find a tattoo parlor in Rainelle, WV Dave at Red Dragon does awesome work. I recommend you stop by and see him.
Last thing....being 30 I kind of prided myself in not having a speeding ticket because I surely deserve one. Thanks to a very kind State Trooper in Winston Salem, NC my speeding ticket cherry has been popped. 72 in a 55 to be exact. I am considering hiring a lawyer but haven't received the numerous unsolicited snail mails from Winston Salem lawyers yet who I am sure want to help me get out of my speeding ticket. I am just waiting.....
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