Damn Bourne Movies

This blog was created to allow myself to outpour my thoughts and feelings. More of a journal if you will. I think the content and my intent has changed over the past few months. I am glad to see there are people enjoying it for more than a journal (because I do happen to find myself to be pretty funny) so I hope this abnormal blog entry is not a buzz kill but its something I felt I needed to talk about.

I was in a horrible car accident in November of 2006. I flipped my SUV 3 times on I-40 going around 60 mph. It was a very scary thing. It was very life changing. By life changing it made me consider the existence of god and also to re-evaluate my relationships with friends and family. You never think at the age of 29 you would be considering writing a will or worrying about what type of life insurance you have. There are so many what ifs to consider. It makes you think about taking the lives of others without intent. I hit two other people and only caused damage to their cars which is a miracle in itself. There are things you wish you would have said and now have time to say. I was lucky. I walked away from that accident with a few cuts and bruises (as well as a very large monthly insurance payment and some very nice doctor bills). The other thing I came away with was a bad case of PTSD (posttraumatic stress syndrome). For over 6 months following my accident I would shake as I had to enter a car. I had nightmares about car accidents. I would not get on main interstates or highways to go anywhere. This made my 30 minute commute to work an hour and 30 minutes. The stress from this accident ruled my body. It made decisions for me and made my home a prison. I have worked very hard over the past year to ultimately deal with my PTSD and think I have done pretty well.

Here is why I am telling this whole story. I wanted to talk about my obsession with the Bourne movies. I love conspiracy theories, action movies, and Matt Damon very buff with tight T-shirts kicking some ass. The Bourne Ultimatum recently came out on DVD and I have been really excited to rent it. It was just as good as I expected it to be but near the end there is a extremely long and drawn out car chase (which by the way one of the best parts of the movie). Before I knew it I was in a full blown, put that bitch in a straightjacket, panic attack. I couldn't breathe, it was hot, my heart was racing, and it was really just awful. Just a classic case scenario. I could literally feel and hear my accident. I was reliving it all over again. My point is, it’s been over a year and this just hit me out of the blue. It makes me really mad in a sense because I thought I had it beat and felt all of my hard work had been put to shame. But it brought me back to down to earth a bit. Things happen for a reason and you always have to learn something from an experience. I think I just needed my ass kicked a little and The Bourne Ultimatum surely did that. Thanks Matt, I like a good spanking every once in a while (damn this was only in my dreams). Also, I think I just realized I may be dealing with this for the rest of my life and need to accept it.